the secret to perfection

I’m finally writing my first blog post!

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You’re going to love this.

I finally, after years of chasing perfection, had a breakthrough today while making my first DIY video for you. I have the secret! Perfection is a lie. Yep, I said it. If anyone says “they are perfect” or “it was perfect,” then they are creating a false reality because for some reason most of us have been conditioned to be unsatisfied with anything less than perfect. This means that when we are happy or content one of the first labels we rush to stick to it (so excited to finally be able to use the word) is PERFECT. A beautiful bride – she was PERFECT. A pleasant day – PERFECT. A man who actually listens to you talk and treats you with respect – he’s PERFECT for me.

 

The truth is the bride isn’t nor will ever be perfect. She put a lot of thought, time, effort, and money into her appearance and wanted to be the best version of herself that day. She was beautiful, she was determined to be positive and happy, she was at the climax of one of the most stressful events of her life, and she was finally standing there in the dress she spent half a year and 3 months salary on, she wore very uncomfortable undergarments even though she started dieting when he proposed and she had more makeup on her skin than ever before. She is not perfect. There’s no such thing as a perfect day. There are days when we choose to look at the good and be the good we wish to see. There are days when the sun shines on us and days when the rain pours down.  A human is not perfect for another human. It’s one of the highest forms of flattery we can offer, and it’s just that, flattery – exaggeration, a pretty little lie.

The truth is that we bounce around from extreme to extreme in our standards for everything. We lower our standards for temporary satisfaction because our satisfaction tanks are bone dry from all of our unrealistic expectations for others, ourselves, and life. We crave perfection. PERFECTION: freedom from flaw or defect. There is nothing perfect about this world including you and me. Yet we are obsessed with it. We pick things apart and ruin them trying to make them appear perfect knowing they will never be. Or maybe you’re a realist like me so you accept the fact that it won’t be perfect and you decide just to aim for perfection and that will ensure its excellence. So basically, you set yourself up for disappointment and failure because you never obtain perfection (your admittedly unrealistic standard for excellence). So even a victory, a job well-done, a blessing, sadly real human love is never good enough. Everything has been tainted with an over hanging “it could’ve been better.” or even an exhausted “glad that’s finally over.” because you overdid it fighting for perfection again.

Where is the joy in that? The happiness? The appreciation? The peace? Aren’t these the things you want? Ask yourself, “do you want perfection or do you want joy?” Do you want a perfect marriage or do you want a healthy and happy marriage? Do you really want to be perfect. I’ve never met a perfect person but I’ve met a couple who tried pretty hard and honestly I didn’t get any warm fuzzies from them. Some of my favorite people are weirdos! We share our imperfections. We apologize (because we mess up). We laugh (because the unexpected happens). The imperfect people, the ones who embrace their crazy, they make me feel safe and secure in who I am. Because, whether they or anyone else around me realizes it I’m the craziest one in the bunch. If they show their crazy, then I don’t have to feel so alone, so out-of-place, so unworthy.

SO ladies, can we stop competing and putting up false images of ourselves? It’s like we’re creating our own little “reality” tv show (oxymoron of the decade) except no one is getting rich or famous off this stuff! What are we doing?!  Have you ever considered how your push-up bra makes the young girl who doesn’t know that you’re wearing feel about her own body? She’s watching you, looking up to you. Or how the car, you know that you shouldn’t have financed because your budget is bursting at the seams, makes the mom with two jobs feel about hers that’s paid for but isn’t shiny and new? Yes it’s your life but no woman is an island. We will have to answer for every word we say in vain. Our choices and hearts will be judged. Women need to make meaningful connections and be for real. No one understands a woman’s struggle like a woman. Stop smothering your struggle with make-up, forced smiles, and fake posts! SOMEONE NEEDS YOUR STRUGGLE and SOMEONE ELSE HAS A WORD FOR YOU IF YOU’D OPEN UP ABOUT IT!

You are not alone and life is not a competition. Enjoy what you’ve been graced with. Make the most of what you have. Love without regret or apology. Don’t put your unrealistic desires onto people who are just trying to get through this life. Let go of perfection. Just let it go. After that, take another look around you. You’ll find true love, real beauty, joy in the small things, the silver lining in the clouds. You’ll find that this world isn’t perfect and neither are you. But it is and you are – lovely and true.

Be Salty & Bright!

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11 thoughts on “the secret to perfection

  1. Aahle says:

    Everything about this is so true! Thank you for sharing! We try so hard to reach this ideal, that we miss moments and life and it ends up frustrating us and we miss the joy! Beautifully written !

    Like

  2. Erika says:

    This is so you! It’s like I’m sitting at Panera chatting with you. Great insight, Sis.

    Keep it up; I was truly blessed 🙂

    Like

  3. Kelli says:

    Yes, yes and yes! I have run myself ragged at times fighting for perfection and it kept my heart from contentment. The moment I stopped, it opened the door to find joy in what is in front of me. Thank you for the encouraging words!

    Like

    1. brineember says:

      Yes! It’s a common stumbling block for women of excellence. God is faithful to pull us out though. 🙌🏽 my blessing and pleasure to encourage beautiful sisters like yourself 🙂 thanks for reading and appreciating!

      Like

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